Life after redundancy

Life after redundancy, what’s next?

Though it can be a highly emotional experience to go through, there is life after redundancy.

Redundancy can be a very stressful experience.  It can feel a terrible shock, particularly if you didn’t see it coming.

It is all too easy to become very self-critical and to think that it is your fault.  But it isn’t.

In reality the fact that a business did not work is down to things that were beyond your control.  It may be that you have been made redundant as part of a restructuring and reorganisation process.  Remember: it isn’t your fault.


life after redundancy

Change can be difficult, life after redundancy – it is up to you to look after yourself

Though redundancy may have come as a shock, there is life after it, the first task is to give yourself time to acclimatise to the change.

The fact is that though you would not have chosen this, you have an opportunity now to think about what you would like to do.  This may be a one-off opportunity to make a change.

It is a good idea to take time after the redundancy to think about what you want to do next, to think about whether you would like to retrain. To think about the opportunities in this downtime.

Links regarding redundancy from employee and employers perspective

Acas web site

Redundancy checklist

Gov.UK – making staff redundant


Employment practice and law

Life after redundancy – Try not to be too worried about how this will look on your CV

Recruiters are very used to people having been made redundant, they know that it isn’t about you, it’s about decisions that were taken, and about the way businesses have done things that are beyond your control.

Rather than becoming mired in self-doubt, for life after redundancy to develop, it is helpful if you can become interested in moving on, in new opportunities, in adapting to the change in your circumstances.

Don’t despair, instead :

  • think about what you want to do
  • think about people you can talk to, people who will support you and help you develop your ideas
  • look after yourself, stay fit, stay healthy

You are available now should an interesting opportunity come up, you don’t have to work through notice periods.

Manage yourself for life after redundancy

Finding a way to take control of the situation is helpful and useful.  Don’t see yourself as a victim, as powerless, instead you can start to think about where you are now and what kind of things you would like to happen next.

Managing yourself, taking control can make it easier to start focusing on what you want next and of getting yourself in a position to be prepared to be interviewed and to be interested in new positions you are offered.

It is helpful to manage the situation as you go through it  

Make sure you finish any work, or close off any responsibilities you need to conclude before you leave.  Remain professional and work to high standards.  You will want to make sure you have good references from your old employer.

Don’t let the news of your coming redundancy tarnish your capacity to deliver good work.  Focus on continuing to deliver good work, including the good work of looking after yourself and finding new opportunities.

Redundancy is going to wake up your interest in managing and being responsible for yourself.  By doing that, you demonstrate your capacity to do these things for other people too, you make it apparent why you would be a good person to hire for a new position.

Life after redundancy – manage the story  

Think about the story you are going to tell about what has happened.  Make it as straightforward and honest as you can be, for example:   ‘…the company restructured,  shed staff and unfortunately I was in one of the departments that was slimmed down…’ 

Being made redundant was beyond your control.

Be careful to make the most of what support is available to you  

Check on any outplacement or coaching support that is available to help you manage the transition into life after redundancy.  Make the most of all opportunities your employer provides for you, you may get access to a mentor or coach.

Make a plan for things you are going to do in your time off.  A certain amount of time might be taken up by CV writing, by networking, by looking at the job market, but there are probably things you would like to do as well that you would not ordinarily have the time for.  This might include time with your children, your partner, things you want to do at home or in the garden. 

Make a plan, this is all part of managing yourself and the process and it will help you transition into life after redundancy.

How I work to help people focus on life after redundancy

All of my work takes place through conversations.  I am experienced in providing my clients with the safe and confidential space they need to talk through their experience and of helping them prepare for life after redundancy.  I help my clients locate the energy required to engage with their next stage of career.

Working with Toby Ingham coaching

I am an APECS qualified coach and a UKCP registered psychotherapist and I have been working with people for 20 years.

I have built up a track record of success in helping people achieve their goals by helping people develop compelling pictures;

  • of what they would like to change about their lives
  • of what they would like to achieve
  • of what stops them developing their ideas and potential further
  • of what needs to happen to help them make a change

Contact now for a free telephone consultation to see how Toby Ingham coaching can help you.

Contact me now for a free telephone consultation to discuss how my approach to conversations, coaching and life after redundancy can help you.

Release the power within you

Release the power within you

Release the power within

I use the power of conversation to help people to follow their good ideas through, to help them release the power within.

If you work with me in a coaching relationship that is what I will do for you.  I will help you engage the power within you by:

  • helping you to clarify exactly what you want to do, to be really clear about your goals
  • helping you to seize this moment
  • stopping you from getting caught up in old negative and self-destructive behaviours.


How do we engage the power within and make the most of our potential?

In my experience, there are particular moments in our lives when we want to develop, to do something with our good ideas rather than seeing them come to nothing.

But all too often we fail to make the most of our potential not because we are not capable but because we get snared in negative thinking and in regressive parts of ourselves.

We become overly doubtful at exactly the moment when we should be pushing on.  We lose momentum.  The moment is gone and we are left regretting what might have been.

If you work with me in a coaching relationship I will:

  • help you stay focussed on your goals
  • help you to understand the ways in which you may lose confidence and focus,
  • help you avoid becoming caught up in self-doubt and fear.

Don’t hold yourself back – engage the power within

If we are going to deliver on our potential we have to find a way to get the upper hand over our own self-defeating tendencies.  This is why you need a high-quality coach, someone who is experienced in helping people overcome negativity and set backs.

We have to make a transition from the person we have been to the person we are trying to become.

The power of conversation – helping you see your situation more clearly

To see yourself clearly you need a good mirror.  You need to work with a coach that has developed a highly reflective capacity.  Someone who can quickly help you grasp the way you may undermine yourself.

This is imperative, absolutely vital, because you need to seize this moment, today, right now to release the power within you.

Act on your good ideas now, release the power within

These impulses to change and develop ourselves don’t come along every five minutes so it is essential that when we feel ourselves interested to change something, that we can do so.  That you are able to act on your good ideas right now.

If we don’t act with clarity and focus, the moment, the possibility will be gone and we will be back in the predictable world we only moments ago were so interested to get out of.

If we are going to do something new we have to break out of old habits.  How do we do this?  How do we spot when we are in the grip of old habits?

In my work I use conversations to help you focus upon:

  • your goals.
  • your strengths
  • how to see your weaknesses and potential pit falls more clearly
  • how to make the change you want to make.


How I help people to release the power within – my formula

At the start of all coaching projects I keep a close watch on the objectives and vision my clients are trying to pursue.

At the same time, using a simple and proven formula that I have developed, I assess and build up an understanding of the ways in which projects and things have failed in the past, the way that previous attempts at change and progress have gone wrong.

Sometimes these things are down to bad luck.  A change of boss at work, an unforeseen complication in a personal relationship.

But sometimes it’s not about bad luck, it’s about people being caught in repetitive and self-limiting cycles of behaviour. This is something that we have the power to change.

If we are serious about using the power within us, it is essential that we identify such limiting habits before they have a chance to get in the way of our next good idea.  It is crucial that we don’t put our own self-limiting tendencies down to bad luck.

If you work with me you will stop looking for bad luck as a reason things went wrong and become better at spotting opportunities and chances to develop the power within you.

I want my clients to succeed, to achieve their goals, to develop themselves to their fuller potential.

How I work

All of my work takes place through confidential conversations.  In terms of process, coaching work tends to start by conversations that clarify objectives, but too often objectives are not enough. It is all too easy for us to get derailed and that is where a coach is vital.

In my work I take care to understand the way my clients tend to derail, how they get in the way of themselves.  The way they may get in the way of their own aims and best intentions, of their own power within.

We all have the potential to derail, to turn almost automatically to habits and behaviours that ultimately hold us back.  This is why a coaching relationship is so important; because it provides the confidential space to search ourselves to identify tendencies that will undermine our attempts to develop ourselves and the people we work with.

Contact me now for a free telephone consultation to discuss how my approach to conversations, coaching and change can help you make more of the power within you.


Coaching and my new year resolutions: 6 tips for success

Coaching and my new year resolution – It’s not about the drink!

We tend to pick a new year resolution thinking too much of the behaviour we are going to address rather than the effect the change in behaviour is going to have on us.

The particular change we have picked is important, perhaps critical, but that on its own may not be enough to help us to succeed.

If your new year resolution is going to be meaningful it needs to go beyond the chosen change of habit and allow you the chance to get to something rewarding beyond the habit. This is why coaching and new year resolutions go together so well. Coaching helps to develop your compelling reasons for making a change.

Coaching and my new year resolutions tip #1

Don’t make it just about not drinking, focus instead on what the change of habit is going to open up for you, for your life.


  • healthy lifestyle
  • weight loss
  • better sleep
  • feeling better physically and emotionally
  • better mindset and mood

Coaching and my new year resolutions tip #2

Your new resolution is a gateway into a new life.

You are not just giving up alcohol, cigarettes, or whatever.  You are giving up an attachment to an old and familiar you.  The resolution is a gateway into a new you. This is where the opportunity is.

Don’t see this as just about not drinking wine, see it as an attempt to do something different and better; opening a gateway into a new you.

cigarette buds

Your new year resolution is the gateway into better and more creative living

Of course this will take a certain amount of effort and concentration, but don’t just tie it to red wine, cigarettes or chocolate.  Tie it to a new possibility for you.

Coaching and my new year resolutions tip #3

With this new resolution comes the possibility to break out of an old sense of identity

If we view the new resolution as part of the change we are making then it can be experienced as:

  • energising and refreshing in a way that beer can never be.

This resolution is a gateway into a new you.  A critical change point.

Not drinking today is just a reminder of the attempt you intend to make to give yourself the chance to experience change: good change.

Coaching and my new year resolutions tip #4: take it one day at a time

Don’t think about having to do something for a month or a year, borrow two mantras from Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and do it:

One day at a time…  just for today

This is important, it is much easier to stick with your new resolutions one day at a time.  By sticking to this reminder you can break the month down into manageable segments.

Coaching and my new year resolutions tip #5

Try not to measure yourself against other achievements.  Just give yourself the chance to be the best you can be today.

New year, new start, new you!

Your new resolution is going to let you break out of the repetitions of yesterday and into a new chapter, a new story.  What is that story going to be like?

Coaching, and how I work with my new year resolutions

If you were working with me in a coaching relationship I would encourage you to start thinking about and developing a new story for yourself.

Not just in a loose way, but to let your imagination have some space to get involved and develop the new possibility of change that you are trying to engage with.

In my coaching relationships I encourage people to:

  • draw, write down or story board the things that have led you to want to make this change.
  • draw, write down or story board what the change might look and feel like,
  • to develop a compelling picture of what you are trying to get to.  You can’t get home without knowing more about where home is.
  • to get into the habit of keeping a record or journal of how the process goes, what works? what helps?
  • to monitor your experience of the process of change.

This is why a coaching relationship is useful, because a coach helps you develop momentum and take the work seriously

The real challenge is in changing something, in allowing yourself and getting yourself out of the well-worn ruts that your wheels are stuck in.  A coach can help you evaluate how the wheels have got stuck and what you will need to do to get them moving again.

Remember: the resolution you make, the habit you want to change, is just the reminder that you are trying to give yourself the chance to develop a new possibility for yourself.

Coaching and my new year resolutions tip #6 : Don’t let fear put you off

We tend to quit our new resolutions because we can’t handle changing our ways.  It comes down to fear.

It is the fear of what we could become if we didn’t hold ourselves back that limits us.

Who knows what we could achieve if we didn’t give in to our fears?

We break our resolutions out of a fear of what we could become.  As we do so we put ourselves back in the past, we get in the way of our own attempt at change.  We keep our own wheels in the ruts.  In my coaching relationships I help people to identify and change that, I help people to get out of their own way.

The reason you are interested in making a new relsolution is because you want to make a change.  Let’s make it happen.

Good luck!

Working with Toby Ingham coaching

I am an APECS qualified coach and a UKCP registered psychotherapist and I have been working with people for 20 years.

I have built up a track record of success in helping people achieve their goals by helping people develop compelling pictures;

  • of what they would like to change about their lives
  • of what they would like to achieve
  • of what stops them developing their ideas and potential further
  • of what needs to happen to help them make a change

Contact now for a free telephone consultation to see how Toby Ingham coaching can help you.


Personal Development Plan

personal development plan

Why you need a Personal Development Plan?

plan for success

If you want to do something well – make a plan.

To make the most of a career or life opportunity you need to the chance to think the possibilities through.  You need to be really clear about what you want to achieve.

When I work with clients on coaching projects I take time at the outset to understand where they are trying to get to and to understand the nature of the challenge they are facing.  It is very important to be clear about these facts and to build up a compelling picture of where you want to get to.

As Stephen Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; ‘always begin with the end in mind.’

To achieve your goal you need to know what the goal looks like.

A Personal Development Plan is the basis of building for success

If you want to make a success of

  • a new promotion,
  • of a project, or
  • of a lifestyle change,

having a personal development plan, a plan you can work to that helps lay out particular markers you want to achieve along the way is essential.

Three keys to a successful personal development plan

achieve your goals

1 Assessment: the basis of your Personal Development Plan

Once you know what you want to achieve, the next step is to assess the strengths and weaknesses of your position.

  • What kind of shape are you in?
  • What kind of changes will you need to make to make sure you give yourself the best chance of achieving your goals?

2 What is the context of your Personal Development Plan?

Assessing your position is key because it will help you anticipate and understand the context in which you are trying to be successful.

A lot of good ideas and projects fail because we don’t fully think about the contexts in which we are trying to work.  Developing a good personal development plan will take account of

  • the people and teams that you work with
  • of the time frame you are trying to be successful in.

If you are going to make a success of a project you need to have clear insight into how your project will fit with the people around you, with the people you work with.

3 Don’t get in the way of your own Personal Development Plan – don’t derail!

It is hard enough keeping your personal development plan on track and dealing with the obstacles that chance circumstance and difficult people can present you with.  It is vital that you don’t do things that will undermine your plans.

The advantage of working with a good and well qualified coach is that they will help you to identify the ways in which you tend or are likely to derail and fall into negative patterns of behaviour or start to become overly self critical.  You need all of your energy and resource to deliver your goals.

Contact us now to discuss your ideas and to start developing your personal development plan

We have 20 years experience of working with individuals and teams and of helping them achieve their goals.  We are:

  • experienced
  • flexible and creative
  • highly trained
  • highly skilled
  • passionate about helping people achieve their goals

Contact now for a free telephone consultation to see how I can help you.


Mid-life crisis, or what to do when the tide turns

It is not uncommon to come to a point in life where the certainties of the past no longer seem to work for us. It can be an unsettling and disorienting experience. Suddenly, for whatever set of reasons, perhaps a redundancy, divorce, bereavement, accident, sheer bad luck or surprising Brexit vote, we go from knowing who we are and how we like to live, work and relate to others to finding ourselves adrift and without our familiar bearings. The tide of our lives has changed.

It is important to recognise such a change. Naturally at first such change is unsettling and may make us feel deskilled. Where before you felt confident and familiar, now life has lost that comfortable rhythm and tempo. Where we had focus, and everything felt shipshape, now we seem to have a more scatter gun approach. We recognise we are using up energy without getting anywhere. If things continue like this we risk burning ourselves out.

However, if we can engage with this sense of change, recognise and learn more about the differences, then we may start to experience an unusual opportunity to reflect on who we are, what we have done so far, and what our relationships are like. With this information we may start to think about what happens next, and find our way into a more meaningful and renewed way of living, working, and relating to others.

For each of us this change will be a unique story. To call it a mid-life crisis is to throw a rather unhelpful, overused and generalised term over what is in fact a unique experience of change and development for each of us. But whatever we call it, it is better to work with the sense of change that we are picking up than ignore it. Tuning into the personal sense of change may take time, but as we work with it, like a sailor trimming his sails to a change in the wind, tide and weather, we find energy. So our sails start to fill again and provide the energy for the next phase of our lives. Tuning into the change in the conditions, and learning to use them to navigate and progress with, instead of ignoring them or fighting them is necessary work.

Achieving objectives reflects the interplay of our environmental conditions and our inner psychological life

When pursuing objectives it is useful to try to remember that we are a constant evolving mix of our internal and external worlds.  I say try to remember because it tends to be the case that we cannot remain conscious of the way moods and emotions are stirred within us.  While we can be proactive about what we want to achieve, when it comes to our psychological states we find ourselves having to react to the energies and dynamics that move within us.  What we can do is to build up our knowledge and understanding of our moods, our psychology, our internal worlds, and understand the way these are likely to be triggered and impact upon us while we pursue our objectives.

It can be very helpful to recognise that the mood that is being provked in me now, as I struggle with a certain part of my work, does not necessarily reflect my capacity to get the task completed, but rather is a mood and psychological experience that I recognise as mine, and know something about.

Achieving objectives reflects the interplay of our environmental conditions and our inner psychological life.

Your capacity to pursue objectives reflects your psychology, knowing how you react to events, knowing what internal feelings are likely to be triggered in you, helps.

The benefits of working with a new coach

I have been working with Dr Gordon Wright, a cycling coach who works with a handful of elite cyclists and provides weekly coaching sessions to High Wycombe Cycling Club. It has made me think about how we develop a focus, and about learning that can apply to other areas of life. So what have I taken from working with Dr Wright?

The importance of being prepared. Be it if you are running a coaching program or part of one: be prepared. Protect the time available, look to use every minute, make every second count, take yourself seriously.

Have a vision – build up as clear a picture as you can of what you want to achieve, of why you are doing this work. Write it down, map it out on a timeline, refine your goals.

Look to develop a detailed understanding of what can get in the way of you delivering against your goals; understand why you derail.

See the connection between the effort you put in today and what you want to attain in the longer run.

Create measurable objectives and outcomes. You should leave a coaching session energised and have clarity about how you are going to use that energy. Ask yourself: how am I going to apply the ideas and thinking that I have developed in this and these sessions? and, who can I share this with? What will I do with the effort I have just put in? How will I manifest it in other areas of my life?

Train harder – go into each session with objectives, and look to develop actionable ideas and plans, and then work to go beyond them.

Commit to action and make yourself accountable to a partner you trust.

Finally to quote from Dr Wright: “don’t short change yourself!”  You are taking time out of your day to do this work, it is coming out of a budget that could fund other projects: make it count!

Living well in retirement and old age

We tend to live in patterns. We find ways of living that work for us and stick by them until we are forced to change often because of circumstances beyond our control. In some cases we may try to keep one eye on future developments and develop the habit of adjusting before adjustment is forced upon us.

Alternatively we may live by being so unsettled about what the future may bring that we fail to enjoy what we have. Perhaps living well involves having one eye on what’s coming as well as keeping our focus on what we have now?

Some people are particularly unmotivated to think about how they live and work unless they have been called to action by some kind of problem. They know they are good at dealing with problems and crises and they are not interested in getting involved unless a problem has turned up. That is all very well but it limits our ability to plan and balance our lives. Being young or being middle aged this may be enough, but what about when we are older?

Faced with the challenge of retirement we have to think about how to live in times when we are older and have more times on our hands. How will we make the most of the opportunity? We won’t be able to rely on work presenting us with stimulating challenges, we will have to think about how we live. if we don’t it is possible we will feel increasingly irrelevant, become dissatisfied and perhaps depressed. The challenge of how to live well will remain.

Perhaps it would be better to get into the habit of thinking about how we live now, and of planning for change now rather than kicking it down the road as though it is a problem that has nothing to do with us.

Meeting with Healthy Minds, Bucks, in High Wycombe

Thank you to John Pimm, of Bucks Healthy Minds, based in High Wycombe, for arranging meeting yesterday. It is always good to make connections with other practitioners and to find out what services are available to patients. Looking from the outside it is easy to develop a rather caricatured picture of the service. To go into the Healthy Minds office is to see just how much work is taking place, you get to see the human faces behind the telephones and computers. Thank you.

Living with anxiety

People can spend years, sometimes whole lifetimes, living with anxiety without seeking help. Sometimes this will be felt in particular physical symptoms, for example stomach and bowel problems, or sleep problems. It can take various forms and it can severely limit our capacity to live well. It can make it very difficult to enjoy relationships. Often these kind of anxiety problems have long histories, but the sufferer may never have found a way to speak about them. The anxiety grips in a way that makes speaking about it too difficult.

However, it may be possible to get help. It may be that speaking about these anxious feelings is the beginning of getting to know more about them. This can be the beginning of finding a way to take some control back.

This NHS web pages link may be useful:

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